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A bum asks a man for The from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

An old man and woman were married from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."

This man was sitting quietly reading his from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: "What was that for?" Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?" Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Man: "What the hell was that for this time?" Wife: "Your horse called."

A jealous husband hires a private detective from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee. "Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it." "What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log." "I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that much fun."

Not that my wifes the jealous type from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary." Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"

Ive got trouble with the wife again from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.

A henpecked husband was advised by a from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?" "I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

You know the honeymoon is pretty much from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.

A recent study showed that the average from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?

But lets get real here guys I from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer controls the weather.

There were three guys in a bar from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and sez "Well... What about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife ?" "Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees." he bragged and took another sip of beer. His friends were amazed ! "What happened then ?" they asked, almost in unison. "Well, then she said, 'Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man !' " he admitted.

I know a husband and wife who from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and Home Pages. They say they're doing everything they can to keep their marriage together.

A lady with a large flowery hat from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked. "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

A student engineer in the office got from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! It's so warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring."

A few moments after the daughter announced from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?" The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

Returning from her vacation the young secretary from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married. "But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then ?" "What and ruin my vacation ?" she whined.

Following a bitter divorce a husband saw from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice."

A man happened to meet his exwife from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they might have another try at marriage. His ex-wife sneered in reply, "Over my dead body !" He downed his drink and replied, "Well, I see you haven't changed one little bit."

Lee was known among his friends for from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

After the third day of a really from Flashcomment Marriage jokes Jokes
After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey ?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"